Staring Anxiety Down #domagick


I discovered this morning that the part of the domagick site which picks up articles from other portions of the internet wasn’t catching my WordPress posts. Thanks to help from some of the other participants, I found out why quickly too. For some reason, it’s only seeing full entries from Tumblr, not WordPress. This left me with something of a quandary. Did I care enough about being heard by others to return to a site that had caused me so great anxiety in recent years?

After meditating on the matter briefly with the demon Salleos, I realized the question wasn’t that simple. Its answer had less to do with self-promotion and more to do with the manifestation of my true will than anything else. Right now, I know that my work as an creator must focus on being true to who I am and how I want to communicate that to the world instead of growing my audience. I also know I have no desire to return to the drama that originally caused me to leave Tumblr in the first place.

Yet Tumblr remains a source of frequent inspiration to me. When I stumble across amazing artists online, more than half they have a gallery on Tumblr. It remains the go-to for a good deal of my behind-the-scenes fandom and pop-culture information as well. I’ve just flitted through the place like a ghost for years; I enjoyed the sights but left no footprints.

I’ve decided I don’t want to do that anymore. When friends tell me they have a Tumblr, I want to follow them. When I find art I like on Tumblr, I’d like to be able to share it with them–and others–more easily. I want to play with layouts again. I need to shake the feeling that one of the biggest social networks out there is completely forbidden to me.

I understand my return to Tumblr could cause a huge shitstorm in some other people’s lives. It depends how much time they still spend thinking about me, I suppose. If nothing else, I know the March Domagick challenge brings to a close the last time I’ll turn my thoughts to them ever again. The only person who deserves that power over me is me. They may try to raise one in mine to compensate, but I’m fully aware of how to delete comments and block people. As of today, that portion of my life is over and I won’t comment on it again.

Serena alora Salleos aken!
A door has closed,
A new cycle begins.

Serena alora Salleos aken!
Shadow self be welcomed
By your dearest friend.

Serena alora Salleos aken…
By my will it is,
Naamah and Atem!

As per my agreement with myself, for the challenge I also:

  • Listened to the soundtrack from the novel I’ve decided not to work on this month. This brought up a great deal of anxiety today, which I coded away. CSS tinkering is relaxing to me. I also considered this the art portion of today’s commitment, as I had to play with image manipulation somewhat too. I still need to take today’s photo.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: