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Drastic Change of Plans

You may have noticed I didn’t blog yesterday. Unlike previous Domagick challenges, this time around my record hasn’t been very good. I’ve missed four out of thirteen days. It isn’t that I haven’t been meditating. Even outside of my conversations with Amducius, I’ve been putting in time on the meditation pillow.

Life has been stressful enough lately that I’ve needed to take the extra effort to calm my mind at some point each day. My partner was called in for surgery rather unexpectedly at the end of last month, and that has thrown my household for a loop. On top of that, I learned yesterday that I will also be going in for medical procedure at the end of December. This will completely take me out of commission for a while, and when I get back to my desk the last thing I’m going to be thinking about is blogging. No offense meant. I’m simply going to have a ton of other work waiting for me to handle first. I’ll need to keep focused on my own self-care as well, and not overdo it.

(So, realistically, there’s no way I can finish this Domagick challenge. Even if I meditate and blog faithfully every day until then, I still can’t make the thirty days straight.)

In a strange way, finding out about the medical appointment is confirmation that the conversations I’ve been having with Amducius haven’t been all in my mind. I never thought they were, but I appreciate the secondary confirmation. When I was feeling a great amount of pressure the other day, I prayed out loud to him in front of my partner for something I didn’t think was possible. I needed it to happen, but I didn’t see how it could. Even I was sure the prayer would work, but it did.

From experience, I know you must be careful what you ask the divine for, however. As stressed out as I was, I took the time to word my request carefully at the time. I tried to think ahead. Still, if my patron had a hand in events as they unfolded—and I believe he did—then he interfered for my highest good. Lessons learned for my “highest good” don’t always feel great at the time, and I know I may later look back on that prayer and laugh. But I definitely feel heard! I can only hope he feels similarly heard too. I started rearranging my altar last night to better honor him.

I do not know how much it will blog before the end of December, or what I will blog about. I do know that I will be continuing to work with Amducius and meditating, but this work will be even more personal and may not be for public consumption. Wish me luck!

Two Meditations for the Price of One

Domagick Day 11

I meditated on Amducius twice today.

This morning I took a page from S. Connolly’s recent Domagick challenge and spoke to him about what I had planned for the day ahead. After an appointment, I wanted to clear several seminary tasks off my To-Do list. I managed to finish all but one before I had to wrap up my work day. I was just too tired. I’ll complete my edit first thing tomorrow.

This evening’s meditation was purely connecting with his energy again and relaxing. People may wonder at that, seeing as Amducius is the “daemon of destruction.” That’s true, but daemons are multi-faceted beings. Though I have worked with his to help break down many obstacles in my life, that is hardly the only reason why I spend time with him. This evening I just sat for a little while  in his presence.

Domagick Meditativeacts Days 8 – 10

I’ve rarely missed days blogging in any of the Domagick challenges I have participated in before, even when I have been under the weather. This time I decided to give my body a break and concentrate of trying to feel better. To be honest, I didn’t have much choice. It felt as if jackhammers were going off inside my skull at one point. I meditated for a short period each day, but sinus pressure often made it difficult to concentrate. Here are the highlights:

Day 8: Amducius underlined that he is part of the Asmodai, but I haven’t been honoring him as such lately as much as I used to do. I saw how I need to rearrange me altar and devotions.

Day 9: Whapped about the head in regards to my priorities.

Day 10: Realizing that the whap about the head is a good thing, and completely needed.

So it was a productive three days away, if very stuffed up. Achoo! Today I am grateful for cold medicine!


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Floating with Amducius

Today proved again to me why daily practice is important. I didn’t expect anything special to happen when I sat down to meditate this evening. If anything, I thought that my session would be rather lackluster. Since I’d put in a couple hours editing a piece I’m working on and I was tired, I didn’t think I’d hear Amducius very well. I decided to simply concentrate on relaxing my body’s muscles instead, focusing on sending compassion to all the spots where I was aching. I was tempted to skip meditation altogether, but magick is a habit now. I keep plugging away.

In short, I let my body know that it was all right to feel whatever it what feeling, piece by piece.  As I moved from head to toe, the pains of the day slowly backed off—as did other pains I suffer on a more regular basis. That surprised me. I didn’t realize how I’m resisting some of the sensations my body deals with every day. I think I’m clenching my muscles to fight off some of those feelings, which only makes them worse.

My body and my mood continued to lighten as I approached the end of the meditation. By the end of it, I felt so buoyant that it was like I was floating, joy coming off of me in waves. I’ve experienced this sensation before when meditating on the Void or the All, but rarely spontaneously like this. I gave thanks to Amducius when I was done. I certainly hadn’t expected that result, but I felt much better for it.

amducius horse domagick meditativeacts

Hearing the Horse

By the time I finished my work today, I felt wrung out. Instead of talking to Amducius, I decided I simply wanted to sit in his presence for a while. If I did hear anything, I would take that as a bonus, but it wasn’t the point. I just wanted to relax with him.

I did hear something, however—a strange distortion in the nature MP3 that I’d chosen to put on. I almost always meditate on Amducius in complete silence, but for some reason today I left the MP3 going. I’ve listened to it many, many times, but I’ve never heard what I thought I did today: the sound of an animal walking through the rain and eating the leaves. My first thought was that it was a horse or a deer. Now that I think about how Amducius is supposed to appear in the Dictionnaire Infernal, that makes me laugh a little!

I’m glad we didn’t have an actual rain here today. It was nearly warm enough for that, with old man winter giving us a brief reprieve.

Amducius and Chill

Domagick Meditative Acts Day 05

Today the real challenge for me was fitting time in time for meditation. I managed to squeeze in a little work before my appointment this morning, but afterward I felt like I was playing catch up for the rest of the day. The piece I am editing is going terribly slowly, with only fourteen of twenty-three pages completed in two hours. That’s only the first edit too, and that’s just one thing on my plate.

When I did get down to talking with Amducius, my thoughts kept wandering back to my to-do list, making his end of the conversation difficult to hear. This is why I do my best to fit it in at the beginning of the day, but sometimes it simply isn’t possible. I felt better for even trying, and that’s why I know it good to put in the time and effort, even when the results don’t manifest how I want.

For now, I am going to kick back and listen to some of the tracks on the Calm meditation app. I need to chill for a while.

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Amducius: Unicorn with Hands

Domagick Meditative Acts Day 04

amducius unicorn domagick meditativeacts meditation demons demonolatry
A picture of Amducius from Collin de Plancy’s DICTIONNAIRE INFERNAL. Art by M. Jarrault.

I love unicorns due to the picture of Amducius from Collin de Plancy’s DICTIONNAIRE INFERNAL. Now that is a unicorn that may stab you with its head! Check out those hands. Bizarre. Admittedly, Amducius has never appeared to me this way, but I wouldn’t put it past him. Maybe I will write about him a unicorn one day.

My normal schedule is thrown off by my partner being at home this week, recovering from surgery. This morning started off with an appointment—as will most of the other days this week. I’d usually try to meditate with Amducius first thing, but for now I have to work our conversations into my free time in the afternoon.

I did manage to spend longer with him today than normal, however, and walked away from our talk in a far better mood than I had before. I even sent some energy to a friend that I’ve been worrying about for several days, in the hopes that Amducius could clear the obstacles from her path.

Now that the afternoon is coming to a close, I find myself extremely grateful for the leftovers sitting in my fridge. I’ve fallen into the habit of cooking larger meals that will feed the family for two days. It gives me a break from the stove after a busy day without us having to order in, and that helps our waistlines.


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Scattered Thoughts of Amducius

Domagick Meditative Acts Day 03

Errands and other obligation played with my meditation’s timing today, pushing it until later in the afternoon. Because of that, I decided to fit in some other ritual work first—which was a mistake. The rite left me far too jazzed up to concentrate on my conversation with Amducius. My thoughts kept drifting to other things. Thankfully, I have many more days to return to our talk.

Perhaps I will light some incense and appropriately colored candles tomorrow as a way of focusing my attention on Amducius’ qualities. According to Dukanté, Amducius is associated with the color orange, but I tend to use fiery colors of all sorts for him. Maybe that’s just because red is one of my favorite colors. Either way, back to the drawing board tomorrow.