Fearless or Afraid? Fuck it! Do it Anyway!

It’s weird. Since starting a Goetia Immersion class in August 2015, I’ve maintained a daily magickal practice easily enough. I don’t necessarily do heavy work every day, but I always do something, even if it is just some light meditation or a quick Tarot reading. Despite that, I needed a break after the Domagick challenge. I know it wasn’t the work itself that turned me off but the necessity of having to make reports here every day. Either way, I was so done by March 30. I’ve yet to hand in the last half of my monthly Goetia notes because of that break.

I feel a little bad about that, but I needed the time off. So did my magick. In my mind, magick is a lot like a child. You can’t hover over it all the time. All you can do is prepare your spell as best you can, send it out into the universe, and go on with your life. It can mature on its own. In the meantime, you have to keep working towards your goals. That’s because, like oh so many children who have flown the nest, you can’t be sure when your magick will come back to you or what state it will arrive in when shows up on your doorstep. It can make your life easier, but you can’t guarantee you’ll be successful thanks to it alone. Consistency and stability play important roles.

But how do you become consistent at anything? First, you make the choice to do it. I’ve heard many people say that they want to lose weight but complain that they have no time to exercise. Really? No time at all? If they have a car, they could park farther away from their destinations whenever driving somewhere. If they take the bus, they could get off a couple of stops earlier. They could take shave five minutes off a lunch break and walk around whatever building they work in, or decide to take a couple laps around Walmart before buying their groceries. They could bounce on an exercise ball during the commercial breaks of one of their favorite television shows—or during the show itself.

That isn’t to say that some people truly aren’t limited for time. A single mom with a full-time job who is also going to school may not have the time to go to the bathroom by herself, much less walk around the block without having to put three kids in their snowsuits first. I understand that. However, many people don’t want to lose weight as much as they want to watch Game of Thrones. They would have time to exercise if they decided exercise was important to them.

The same goes for all those people who say they will write a novel someday. Most novels aren’t written when you suddenly have tons of free time, believe me. They’re written constantly, whenever the writer has time, because he or she can’t stop thinking about the book. They’re in love with the story, the world, and its characters. They are meaningful to them, and so they make the time. Truth be told, this is probably the reason why I had writer’s block for so long. No stories called out to me as loud as bitching about not writing did, and I was enjoying other activities far more.

Conversely, I found the writing entries for the Domagick Challenge wasted a lot of my time. Who were they for, in the end? I suppose they helped me organize my thoughts, but my scribble-filled notebooks accomplish that task. The posts didn’t seemed to generate much interaction between the  participants, either; I was too busy writing about magick to talk to anyone about it. They did gain me some readers but I never want to do magick for that purpose. Magick can help bring you fame and fortune, sure, but if that’s the only reason you’re doing it… Well, you’ve missed the point of the Great Work, at least in my opinion.

That’s why I really had to get away for nearly two weeks, to figure out why the fuck I’m doing all this. On top of my Goetia work, I’ll be starting seminary training at the end of this month, which means more intensive study for who knows how long. I needed to be sure I was ready for that, as well as where it fit in the overall scheme of my life. While spirituality is what my life revolves around, spirit will never fully pay my rent. There may be metaphysical teachers and authors out there who manage to make a go of it full-time, but I believe they are few and far between. I have to do something else as well, so I spent my break trying to figure out what that was.

This is the sigil or seal of the demon Haagenti, colored in green to correspond with his element, earth. He is a spirit of transformation and his symbol can be used for meditation or witchcraft. #demons #demonolatry #witches
This is the sigil or seal of the demon Haagenti, colored in green to correspond with his element, earth. He is a spirit of transformation and his symbol can be used for meditation or witchcraft.

During this time, I did do a few magickal things, but haphazardly, and only when the mood struck me. Whenever I felt spiritual, I reached out to the daemon Haagenti, who I was supposed to be working right now. I never felt him reach back until I drew his sigil yesterday. Art has been such an integral part of my process lately—and of me—that I couldn’t hear him until I picked up a pen and began to draw.

That convinced me more than all the hours I spent pouring over school catalogs. I’m going to graphic design school in the fall. I wobbled back and forth about that during the whole Domagick challenge, when inside I already knew. I have to do this for myself. I’ve already started another website for my non-spiritual art and begin printing off some of the forms I’ll need to fill out in advance of applying.

There are other things I need to figure out too, like how writing fits into all this. I know that it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing, art or writing, writing or magick. It’s a balancing act, like deciding I want to exercise instead of watching Game of Thrones. I’m scared shitless, but I can do it because it is important to me.

What’s important to you? Whatever it is, go for it! Be fearless!