DOMAGICK CHALLENGE DAY 17
Today was what I like to call a mixed bag, On one hand, I met all the necessary benchmarks and was able to move on to the next step in my lymphedema treatment. Staying off my feet for two days apparently worked. On the other hand, a workman was already busy in my house by the time I got home from the hospital. I’d been told they weren’t coming back today, but no such luck. He was a pleasant enough guy—overly so, to be honest. I like chatter, but only so much of it, and not when I want to write and meditate.
Both cats huddled at my feet all afternoon, waiting for the “alien invader” to leave. I understand perfectly how they felt, since supposedly I have one more day of this ahead of me, and on the weekend no less. It’s enough to make me mutter words under my breath that definitely aren’t mantras.
The best I could hope for today was praying briefly to Oso and taking out my new Sharman-Caselli Tarot deck again. Rather than asking how I could be open to change today, I asked first what kind of opportunities the future had in store for me. I pulled the Magician, a particularly auspicious card. In my eyes, this meant that I already have the skills to pursue just about any opportunity I want—but I must decide what path I want to take. Otherwise, I won’t make good use of my energies at all. And that’s really the conundrum that this entire challenge is coming down to, isn’t it?
Next, I asked the cards what opportunities are most in line with my divine will and turned over the King of Wands. I couldn’t help but laugh. When it comes to my personality, this card fits me perfectly. It even aligns with my patron element and reflects how I see myself in the astral to a certain extent. Situations involving this card also tend to be artistic or creative in nature.
The problem is defining what those words mean, at least for myself. I remain uncertain whether artists and creators are people who simply produce works based on their inspiration, regardless of who enjoys them, or if the enjoyment of others is a critical part of the process. I’m not talking about making money, but about whether or not art and other sorts of creativity must eventually communicate with people in the outside world to rise above the level of endless self-exploration / mental masturbation.
There’s nothing wrong with those things, but I don’t think I would feel right dedicating my life to them. Conversely, I don’t know what I want to say yet, either. I didn’t have any clue when I wrote voraciously, either. I had stories to tell, but that was all. Maybe that’s enough. I don’t draw because I have pictures clawing out of me in the same way. If anything, I hope to capture a glimpse of something I saw in my mind’s eye or in the Otherworlds. I still feel like I have stories in here that want to be told, but I’ve started the same ones over so many times that they’ve coiled, looped, and knotted around themselves, almost impossible to unravel.
Damn! How do teenagers know what they want to do? You’d think being forty plus would have given me 20-20 vision. Alas, I’m still blind as a bat! Even so, I know that I have to shift the focus of the Domagick Challenge at this point. I am still suffering anxiety, but I have to recognize that I have made some in roads with it this month. Having my schedule disrupted as severely as it has been the last little while would have given my fits. Now I’m letting it go. What I can’t let go is the constant back and forth with myself over my career for the next year. Once I finish with Oso, I need to tackle that head on, whether I like the answer or not.
(Today’s art was brought to you by an unknown artist. Try though I might, I couldn’t source this image. Can you? I would love to credit and thank this person, since his or her work is floating around all over Pinterest…)